So its new years eve
Am going out for a bit but don't care for the people I'll be meeting
Wish I could have met R on this day
With my best friend and hung out all together
Damn, it's not going to happen!
I weighed in last night and there was no reduction
Am yet to check today
My aim is to loose another 2 lbs by 7th Jan
I'm joining a new gym as well that's close to where I study
Things in general are looking up
Am generally the kind of pereso who can eat pretty much anything and there is no effect on my weight
Cheese forms a regular part of my diet, especially good Gouda and Emmental (yum)
That said, I would still like to downsize by another 8 pounds
Yay am on track so far
No junk, no sugar, no processed food
Being a student at Uni one can easily get sucked into that unhealthy lifestyle
Dont want to be a part of it
No wayyy
xoxo

Contemplating

So I just might be alone on New Year's Eve.
Dramatic as it sounds, I don't really care!
I've been going to so many parties lately
I could do with a break.
Last week with my friends was complete debauchery
LITs and glasses of wine
One after the other.
It eventually led to
That hot boy and two girls
Girls on girls
Girls on boys
It was exolosive stuff
Wish we could do that again
Hmmm
I still have to weigh in today
Wonder whether I have reduced
Apart from weight
Am concentrating on lowering my body fat percentage
Down by about 8%

Day 2

Lost 2 pounds already
My body diterioriating before my eyes,
Another 8 pounds to go and I'll be perfect.
This time there is no turning away.
Sipping more green tea along with a piece of toast.
Steadily, slowly and surely.
I've ordered some gigantic vitamin pills too.
Waiting for them to arrive.
I'm drinking hot water through the day.
From now on, it's going to be continuously downhill.
Already planning a birthday shopping splurge,
On the condition that I reach my goal weight.



I went to a model recruiting agency today
They took some test shots
But I felt I looked hideous and the camera does add ten pounds :-|
Wonder if anything will come of it.
I have another appointment in a few days.

Why now?

Why am I calling this blog? Green tea and toast.
Am back struggling with my eating disorder and need to vent.
I guess at the root of it, I do struggle with self love.
But in the absence of it, disorder takes over.
A few years back W, walked into my life.
Suddenly, I didn't hate myself as much.
Next to his tall, strong and atheletic body,
I felt tiny, sickly and weak.
He brought my back to health .
At the same time my own voice was sometimes crushe.
Under his dominatin and larger than life personality.
Now, the love has faded and we barely see each other.
I feel the need to reach out for a couple of smokes.
I feel the need to grow tinier, I'm loosing pounds again.
Unless am thinner am never happy.
In the absence of W, it's all I have to hang on to.